Oreshi-niichan & Bokushi-niichan
by Newt Is My Shank
Summary: Kuroko Akashi (Oreshi) and Kuroko Seijuurou (Bokushi) are the two talented adopted twins of the Kuroko family. Intelligent, charming, and just drop-dead gorgeous, they were practically flawless in every single way possible. So who knew that of all the problems they could have, being overly obsessed with their younger brother Tetsuya's love life would be one of them?
1. Prologue

**Oreshi/Akashi:** Refers to everyone by their last name and refers himself with the 'ore' pronoun. Shoujo prince who can literally pleasure people with his godlike passes.

 **Bokushi/Seijuurou:** Refers to everyone by their first name and refers himself with the 'boku' pronoun. Mr. 'I Am Absolute' with a 'kinda fucking scary' scissors fetish.

* * *

 **Oreshi-niichan & Bokushi-niichan**

 **P** r **o** l **o** g **u** e

* * *

Kuroko Akashi and Kuroko Seijuurou, the adopted twins of the Kuroko family, were two sides of the same coin.

Both were equally hot - being twins after all (though Bokushi could argue that _he_ was the hotter twin) - with endless intellectual potential and _delightful_ athlete bodies. Everyone who met them thought they were the genetically perfect human beings.

...

Did you expect me to say 'how wrong they all were'?

Of course not. They were the Kuroko twins. They were fucking _flawless_.

...

Speaking of flawless.

Akashi, the older twin aka 'Oreshi-niichan', had purely crimson-red eyes. Stunning and brilliant was what people liked to describe his eyes. You could stare at them all day and just get _swallowed up whole_. They were the most alluring pair of red-colored eyes anyone could've ever _seen_. Oreshi didn't act like it, but he was secretly proud of his 'beautiful red eyes' for some uncharacteristic reason.

Oreshi was also unrealistically good with people, especially girls, and knew how to 'manipulate' them in a way that didn't even seem like he was asking them of _anything_. For that, everybody liked to call him the 'Shoujo Prince-sama of Teikou Middle'.

...

Not to his face, of course.

...

And like the typical teenager he was, he wore loose but practical clothing. Slightly big, collarless shirts, tank tops, comfortable-looking jackets and shorts. Overall, he preferred clothes that he could move around in easily, and had a minor attachment to his basketball gear. Okay, maybe not 'minor'. Bokushi sometimes caught him sniffing his Teikou uniform from the laundry basket or cuddling his basketball in the middle of the night. Their younger brother called his quirk 'cute'. Bokushi called it 'fucking ass creepy bro like wtf'.

...

Speaking of Bokushi.

Seijuurou, aka 'Bokushi-is-hotter-than-Oreshi'-niichan, had the weirdest fucking eye colours _ever_. A crimson-red right eye and an ash-gold left eye. Like. What. In. The. Actual. _Fuck_.

And yet every freaking straight girl or gay guy and what-the-fuck _ever_ would purposely fall to their knees just to get eye-raped by Bokushi's stunningly exotic eyes (Oreshi asked him whether he was abusing Emperor Eye for this reason. Bokushi denied it). And unlike Oreshi, Bokushi took visible, fucking _pride_ in his eyes. Like, 'my eyes can make people fall before me goddammit of _course_ I'm going to abuse this like crack'. Even without his Emperor Eye activated, crowds would _part_ before him in the hallways. This applied to Oreshi as well, but they parted before Oreshi out of awe and admiration (probably from that 'bishounen effect' or some bullshit like that). Crowds parted before Bokushi because he gave off this aura that screamed 'get the hell out of my way or I will impale your eyeballs with my trusty red scissors now MOVE'.

Yeah, Bokushi was fucking scary.

And yes, Bokushi went _way_ too overboard with his taste in clothing.

Unlike simple, practical and natural Oreshi, whatever Bokushi wore had to make him look _downright_ **sexy**.

Screw those cheap tops and unglamorous shirts and khaki shorts!

Bokushi went all-out with the classy work suits and fashionable, dress shirts and pants. Expensive, form-fitting jeans that showed off his fine ass. Fancy winter jackets and sleek thigh-high boots with _heels_.

He even got a cartilage piercing in his left ear, just to show that he meant business. Their younger brother called him ridiculous. Oreshi had locked himself up in the spare closet for two weeks out of depression when he realized that people actually started _flocking_ to Bokushi the minute he got that freaking piercing.

...

Speaking of their younger brother.

Kuroko Tetsuya. The actual Kuroko. Like the Kuroko-by-blood Kuroko Tetsuya, was the redheaded duo's non-biological, adoptive younger brother.

Additionally, the bane of their existence slash 'inappropriate incestuous brotherly crush'.

Tetsuya - or Kuroko because Oreshi still felt super formal for some reason around his younger brother - was the image of the perfect 'otouto'.

With his fluffy, teal-colored hair; face still containing some baby fat, and pale-blue eyes that stared into your soul...including his adorable love for vanilla milkshakes, undeniably inspiring passion for basketball, and penchant for giving barely pubescent, horny male teenagers a reason to get an awkward boner...

(Though whenever that happened Oreshi had already informed Bokushi to 'get ready the throwing knives because scissors are not enough for this')

Not to mention those pale cheeks that Bokushi tended to pinch on instinct, and the ridiculous bedhead that Oreshi just couldn't _help_ but comb through every morning...and oh god, whenever the teal-haired blunette just decided to _grace_ them with his occasional smiles during 'bonding time'...

Yeah. They were _so_ whipped for their younger brother it wasn't even _funny_.

...

To the Kuroko twins, Kuroko Tetsuya was their godsend.

If Oreshi and Bokushi were the emperors, Tetsuya wouldn't even be the _empress_. No, he'd be the god in the sky with all the power in the world to _destroy_ them. And hell, they probably wouldn't even put up much of a fight if that was the case!

Yes. They loved Tetsuya with all their heart, body and soul, and nobody could (dare) tell them otherwise.

...

Which resulted in them having an unhealthy obsession with fending off said younger brother's overly affectionate 'suitors'.

Yeah...this story is gonna turn out hella weird...

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

No, I **don't** own KnB. If I did, it'd be R18 by now.

I got a spark of inspiration and decided to write this. Don't judge.

Also, I will answer any questions via **PM**. I will **not** answer questions via comments cuz that is wayyy to troublesome (I'm talking to all you Guest users here!).

* * *

 **Drop a review!**


	2. Bokushi Falls Sick feat Boner

**Oreshi/Akashi:** Refers to everyone by their last name and refers to himself with the 'ore' pronoun. Shoujo prince who can literally pleasure people with his godlike passes.

 **Bokushi/Seijuurou** : Refers to everyone by their first name and refers to himself with the 'boku' pronoun. Mr. 'I Am Absolute' with a 'kinda fucking scary' scissors fetish.

* * *

 **Oreshi-niichan & Bokushi-niichan**

* * *

 **Bokushi Falls Sick feat. Boner**

* * *

"Teeetsuuuyaaaa..."

"Sei-nii no."

"Buuuuut -"

"Bokushi, stop pestering Kuroko."

"Buuuut...Ore-nii..."

Akashi gave his younger-by-two-hours twin an exasperated look that came off as fond more than anything else. Kuroko still looked typically deadpan, ruined by a tinge of concern on his face as he gently pushed their stubborn brother onto their shared bed.

"We can handle the first string practice by ourselves, so just stay here and rest, Bokushi," Akashi sighed reassuringly.

"I don't need to reeeest...I'm peeeerfectly fine. Tell him, Teeeeetsuuuyaaa...!"

Kuroko gave Seijuurou a disapproving shake of his head as he easily fought off his brother's barely resisting flailing limbs.

"With all due respect, Sei-nii, a person who can't even walk two steps without tripping over flat ground is never considered 'fine'."

"It was an accideeeent..."

Kuroko's face remained deadpan.

"Sei-nii, you kissed Aka-nii on the lips today thinking it was me."

Akashi choked loudly at the remembrance of what happened that morning and wondered whether staring at his lock screen of Kuroko in a bath for a few hours would help him erase that rather traumatizing piece of memory from his mind.

"Sorry, Ore-nii."

"I would like it if you forgot about it as well, Bokushi," Akashi said grimly, looking a little sick himself.

"I already texted Nijimura-senpai and sent him a picture of you. He said, as quoted, 'can and will tie him to the bed and make sure he rests if he takes even one step out of the house and I can guarantee it would not be in the kinky way'."

The twins shuddered at that. Great, another traumatizing memory to bleach out of their heads.

"Teeelll hiiim to know his plaacee, Teeetsuuyaaa..."

"Sei-nii, no, he's our senpai."

"B-Buuuut..."

"Anyway. Just rest today, Bokushi. You're barely articulate as it is," Akashi cut him off abruptly as he helped Kuroko tuck their stubborn brother into bed.

If Seijuurou was actually not so sick at that point of time, he probably would've used his totally awesome point guard skills to escape his brothers' loving clutches. Unfortunately, he was so hilariously out of it he could probably pass off as a drunkard. A really hot drunkard, but a drunkard nonetheless.

He probably would've protested a lot more violently to the clothes he was being forced to wear as well. Since all he had as nightwear were (no joke) several pairs of monogrammed pyjamas that were so thick they might as well be made out of wool; Kuroko decided that he would wear one of Akashi's loose T-shirts and sweatpants.

Seijuurou would never admit it, but he was actually extremely grateful that they got him out of that suffocating fabric that could've probably given even Aomine asthma just by wearing it.

"Sei-nii..." Kuroko said softly, gently brushing the hair out of his brother's eyes, "please rest. For me..."

After seeing that endearing display of worry and affection from his little brother, Seijuurou eventually gave in, his resistance already crippling as his head fell gracelessly onto a pillow.

"Do you need anything before we leave, Sei-nii?" Kuroko sighed in relief, sitting daintly on the edge of the mattress.

Seijuurou looked up with hazy eyes, giddiness threatening to overtake him as he felt a cool towel being pressed onto his forehead.

Blinking rapidly, he caught his older brother drying his hands with the bottom of his shirt, grinning exasperatedly at the sick boy.

"A kissssss..."

Without even questioning his request, Kuroko leaned down to plant a brief kiss on his onii-chan's cheek, grimacing slightly at the ridiculous body heat the redhead was emitting. It was simply not healthy and the bluenette - despite his looks - was worried for him.

Seijuurou seemed to notice, and chuckled half-heartedly.

"Do I reaaaally taste thaaaat baaad, Teeetsuuyaaa?"

Kuroko shook his head cutely in response, his grimace still present on his face.

"No...it's just that Sei-nii has a really bad fever so..I'm worried."

Their younger brother's normally blank eyes quickly turned teary, his lower lip jutting out in a trembling pout. Complete with a dark blush on his cheeks and his thighs squeezed together anxiously, Kuroko looked...

 _BA-DUMP BA-DUMP BA-DUMP_

Akashi's nose was bleeding so profusely it was spilling onto the floor and he was honestly already trying to handle it as calmly as possible while asking himself why the fuck was his little brother _so damn fuckdorable._

Seijuurou got a boner and was valiantly trying to hide it with a pillow as discreetly fucking possible while giving out punched-out groans.

Kuroko was completely oblivious to all of this and just went to ask:

"Akashi-niichan...Seijuurou-niichan...are you alright?"

Both twins heaved a frustrated sigh of relief and looked torn between laughing and crying at the question.

"Tetsuya/Kuroko...please stop being so cute!"

"Eh?" the innocent bluenette wonders loudly as he watches his brothers struggle with their self-inflicted internal crises.

...

Kuroko and Akashi ended up half an hour late to practice.

Kuroko's eyes were rimmed with red and was sniffing cutely into a handkerchief.

Akashi's nose was still bleeding.

Everybody wanted to ask the burning question that was lying on the tip of their tongues, but after careful consideration of the consequences, decided not to.

Because asking a stupid question is really not worth giving their currently ill co-captain enough motivation to run out of his bed and start stabbing people with his scissors, honestly.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

No, I **don't** own KnB. If I did, it'd be R18 by now.

Thanks to the sudden increase of support for this fic, I am suddenly pressured and honestly feeling so attacked right now (in a good way though).

And yes, Akashi and Seijuurou refer to each other with their respective fan names because it's a twin thing and you can fight me for it.

Thanks for the reviews! I hope this chapter wasn't a disappointment...

* * *

 **Drop a review!**


	3. The Kuroko Kiss Challenge feat Haizaki

**POLL IS UP FOR WHO YOU WANT KUROKO TO END UP WITH!**

* * *

 **Oreshi/Akashi:** Refers to everyone by their last name and refers to himself with the 'ore' pronoun. Shoujo prince who can literally pleasure people with his godlike passes.

 **Bokushi/Seijuurou** : Refers to everyone by their first name and refers to himself with the 'boku' pronoun. Mr. 'I Am Absolute' with a 'kinda fucking scary' scissors fetish.

 **^Yes, Akashi really does say 'ore' and Seijuurou really does say 'boku' in the anime fyi.**

* * *

 **Oreshi-niichan & Bokushi-niichan**

* * *

 **The Kuroko Kiss Challenge feat. Haizaki**

* * *

It was a Thursday afternoon, 4 p.m. which meant that the first string players and regulars of the Teikou Basketball Team were having their practice in the first string gym.

Correction. The _first_ string players were practicing. The regulars, including Aomine, Murasakibara, Midorima and Haizaki were - for once - deep in a heated conversation initiated by the curious purple-haired center after asking one of the most _vital_ questions mankind had ever asked.

"Ne, what does Kuro-chin taste like?"

As if on instinct, everybody in hearing range froze.

Aomine spat out his drink.

Midorima's glasses cracked.

Nijimura decided that the candy addict manchild had finally snapped and was two seconds away from calling a psych ward.

Haizaki was frantically looking over his shoulder to check if a certain pair of redheaded homicidal maniacs were standing behind him.

"Murasakibara, what are you saying nanodayo!" Midorima admonished him, a flush hitting the tips of his ears at the question.

The overly-relaxed giant simply gave him a bored stare while munching on some vanilla flavoured Pocky.

"Kuro-chin drinks vanilla shake all the time...and always eats the vanilla pancakes that Aka-chin makes for him...so will Kuro-chin taste like vanilla if I **~ _chu_ ** him?"

 _Of course he won't taste like vanilla nanodayo! Or will he? Wait, what am I thinking!? It's not like I'm curious or anything..._

 _Fuck, I bet Tetsu tastes good..._

 _This should be friggin' interesting...I get to steal something from all four of 'em if I play my cards right...and if I don't get caught by that fucking scary demon duo...and whadda fuck was up with that **~chu** , Atsushi!?_

Oh Haizaki, you adorable little schemer you.

And then Nijimura - of all people - actually started to look visibly bothered by the question and was at the moment torn between telling them to 'break it up before Seijuurou kills all of us for slacking' and 'fuck, how _does_ Kuroko taste like?'

"Niji-chin...you're blushing..."

The first string senpais all turn to look at the 'supposedly only sane man amongst the regulars' in deadpan disbelief while the Rainbow Captain flinches and recoils from their heated stares.

"How about we find out then?" Haizaki asked slyly, actually ecstatic at the thought of stealing the invisible player's lips before anyone else. Especially from that asshole Nijimura.

Yeah, he sees you Nijimura you closet ass pervert.

Aomine glared daggers at the silver-haired copycat, crushing the empty plastic water bottle in his grip like some badass.

"Lay a hand on Tetsu and I'll fucking kill you."

Haizaki merely scoffed and shot his Sleazy Smile #3 at the rest of the regulars sans Nijimura, who was currently having an internal conflict regarding his questionably immoral feelings for his adorable teal-haired junior.

"What, _Daiki_? Scared that Tetsuya won't let you kiss him despite being such good _**friends**_?"

 **STAB!**

Aomine currently had a metaphorical knife shot through his heart.

"Or is it that our dear Tetsuya has already _**friendzoned**_ you?"

 **STAB!**

Ah...another metaphorical knife to the neck...

"Aww...poor _Daiki_ , if you even **_tried_ ** to confess to Tetsuya, he'd probably assume you meant it in a _friendly_ way, seeing as how _**good friends**_ you two are..."

 **STAB! TRIPLE FOUL! FREE THROW!**

Aomine was currently in a fetal position with three metaphorical knives stuck through his heart, neck and head, muttering something about being in the 'friendzone' and the fact that he actually felt depressed for being friendzoned at all by a _guy_.

Haizaki felt immensely satisfied.

"Stop it with your idiotic dares, Haizaki. I doubt Kuroko will appreciate us invading his personal privacy nanodayo," Midorima broke in firmly, adamant to not give in to the silver-haired slacker's taunting.

Haizaki snorted, "Cut the crap, Shintarou. We all saw you drinking out of Tetsuya's water bottle last week when you thought no one was looking."

Midorima's glasses cracked even further as he spluttered indignantly at the accusation.

"W-What...wait...I was just curious nanodayo!"

"Whadda fuck, Midorima! The only one who can drink from Tetsu's water bottle is me and me alone!"

"Wah...Mido-chin hentai~..."

"No wait you don't understand nanodayo - !"

"Sooooo since _Shintarou_ here has already 'kissed' Tetsuya, I'm assured that he doesn't need to join in on this bet -"

"Oi, Haizaki! Since when did this turn out to be a bet?"

"Eh? We're betting? Lazy..."

"Haizaki, don't be ridic -"

" **Bring it on, punk**."

There was a stunned silence, and literally everyone from the first string turned to look at their recently resigned captain in perpetual shock.

Nijimura, with his hands on his hips, was towering over the discussing regulars, eyes glinting and smiling with disturbing calmness.

"Since all of you are so _goddamn_ interested in finding out how the precious _otouto_ of **the** emperor duo of Teikou _tastes like_ , how about we _**raise the stakes**_?"

Nijimura's head whipped towards Haizaki's direction at that statement, eliciting a loud 'squeak!' from the younger boy.

"Let's see..." Nijimura faked a 'thinking pose', humming in exaggeration.

And then looked up and dramatically snapped his fingers, as if he just had most _brilliant fucking idea_ in the entire world.

"Whoever doesn't kiss or _gets kissed by_ \- which I find doubtful - Kuroko by the end of practice tomorrow, has to call _**Seijuurou** _ at 12 a.m. and tell him that he's a midget."

And with that declaration, the atmosphere instantly dropped to the negatives and **every single person present** (except Murasakibara was who was busy eating) were completely and utterly _**petrified**_ at what Nijimura just proposed to them.

Aomine's skin had gone completely white. There was a reason _why_ Nijimura mentioned Seijuurou instead of Akashi. Unlike Seijuurou, Akashi could _actually_ take a fucking joke sometimes _**if**_ he was in a good mood. Fucking-Murderer-In-Training-Seijuurou would _throw his fucking scissors_ at anyone who made a joke about him with _deadly accuracy._ Who knew what would happen to the poor schmuck who decided that his life wasn't worth living and thought it would be a good idea to _insult Captain Seijuurou to his **face**_?

Midorima's glasses had already shattered to the point where glass shards were falling all over his pumpkin (lucky item obviously). If there was one thing that could piss _any_ Kuroko brother off, it was commenting about their admittedly short stature. It didn't matter if the person was referring to Kuroko, Akashi or Seijuurou. Call _any_ of them that taboo word and it would piss _**all three of them off**_. Forget about _Seijuurou_ going after your hind, you'd have to deal with his twin who is _exactly the same height as him_ and whose accuracy is probably on an equal level if not _better_ than Seijuurou's... _and_ his _**darling** _ little brother who's even shorter and **_hates_** that word more passionately than the three of them combined.

Haizaki was dripping some weird sweat and was already trying to escape the premises hoping he could pull it off as 'feeling sick'. Contrary to popular belief, Bad Boy Emperor Kuroko Seijuurou did _not_ stay up all night until the wee hours of the morning studying _or_ playing a double life as an emperor in some undiscovered country (seriously what the f were the fangirls going on with _that_ theory?). If what Kuroko told them had any grain of truth in it, the youngest twin of the demon duo could very well be likened to an overgrown toddler that threw tantrums at the drop of the hat if he didn't get his way. Unlike Akashi, who was _actually_ the one who stayed up late studying; Seijuurou religiously slept at 9 a.m. sharp, claiming that if he slept any later, he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep and would wake up **extremely cranky** in the morning to the point where even _Kuroko_ would have a hard time trying to placate him. Dear god, imagine waking him up in the middle of the night just to tell him that _**he was a midget**_? Haizaki shuddered.

Meanwhile, Murasakibara was happily munching on some teriyaki maiubo, completely aware of the situation and honestly not giving a fuck over it.

"Also," Nijimura added sickeningly sweetly, catching the silver-haired copycat in his iron grip when he saw that he was trying to run away, "Don't try getting out of this. While you were all talking, I planted a bug on all of your phones that will alert me if you have not complied to the bet - if you lose - by 12 a.m. I will then _personally_ tell Seijuurou himself that I 'heard' that one of you guys said that he was a midget _in front of the entire team_."

Yes, because what was even **worse** than all three of those reasons was the fact that Seijuurou had to **hear** it from someone else, which would undoubtedly make him angrier to be aware of the fact that someone was actually _trying_ to **spread rumors** about him. And in freaking **_public_** too!

 ** _W-Wahh! WE'RE FUCKED!_** The first-year regulars sans Murasakibara - who was _still_ eating - panicked inwardly, while Nijimura's fellow first stringers started looking at him with a newfound respect shining in their eyes.

" **The Kuroko Kiss Challenge is on, everybody** ," Nijimura said cheerfully with a predatory purr in his tone, " **happy kissing!** "

...

At some point on their way to the first string gym, both Akashi and Seijuurou felt a shudder of mildly concealed fear run down their spines.

"What's wrong, Aka-nii, Sei-nii?"

Akashi's hand tightened around Kuroko's waist possessively, a twitch appearing in his eye.

"Our 'somebody-is-thinking-of-tainting-Tetsuya' senses are tingling," Seijuurou said on their behalf, his own eye twitching as well.

Kuroko simply sighed and rolled his eyes at his brothers' over-protectiveness.

It couldn't be _that_ bad, right?

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I do not own KnB. If I did, it'll be R18 by now.

The next chapter will be the rainbow-haired idiots attempts at trying to get a kiss out of Kuroko!

(And yes Kise is not in this two part chapter as he hasn't existed in this timeline yet since they're all in first year and Kise only joined in his second but I'll assure you he'll get his spotlight next time)

* * *

 **ShinseiShinwa:** I HONESTLY DO NOT KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD FEEL INSULTED OR FLATTERED BUT OKAY THANKS FOR REVIEWING ANYWAY!

 **Gly:** Thank you for your continued support and I hope you get an account so maybe we can PM often!

 **Akakuro babe:** Thank you for your continued support, you're cute~

 **Kuroko-Senpaille:** YOU TOO I HAVE NO IDEA WHETHER I SHOULD BE INSULTED OR FLATTERED BUT STILL THANKS FOR THE REVIEW!


	4. The Kuroko Kiss Challenge feat Daisuki?

**'Who do you want Kuroko to end up with?' poll is up on my profile!**

* * *

 **Oreshi/Akashi:** Refers to everyone by their last name and refers to himself with the 'ore' pronoun. Shoujo prince who can literally pleasure people with his godlike passes.

 **Bokushi/Seijuurou** : Refers to everyone by their first name and refers to himself with the 'boku' pronoun. Mr. 'I Am Absolute' with a 'kinda fucking scary' scissors fetish.

* * *

 **Poll Results (so far):**

1 Akashi x Kuroko x Seijuurou - 6

2 Kuroko x Nijimura - 1

3 Kuroko x Akashi - 0

4 Kuroko x Seijuurou - 0

5 Kuroko x Aomine - 0

6 Kuroko x Haizaki - 0

7 Kuroko x Kise - 0

8 Kuroko x Midorima - 1

9 Kuroko x Momoi - 0

10 Kuroko x Murasakibara - 0

11 Akashi x Nijimura - 0

12 Seijuurou x Nijimura - 0

13 Akashi x Nijimura x Seijuurou - 0

14 Kuroko x GoM - 0

15 Kuroko x All (that means GoM + Haizaki + Nijimura) - 1

^ **Please note that I will generally be rotating pairings, so this poll is to ensure who Kuroko ultimately ends up with in the end aka endgame OTP.**

* * *

 **Oreshi-niichan & Bokushi-niichan**

* * *

 **The Kuroko Kiss Challenge feat. Daisuki?**

* * *

The first rule of the Kuroko Kiss Challenge is that there are no rules.

...

Just kidding.

...

There were three rules. Just three that made it loud and clear to the four unlucky regulars participating a clear idea on how much shit they were getting into.

 **Rule #1** : Either kiss Kuroko or get kissed by him by the end of Friday afternoon practice. The 'pics or it didn't happen rule' applicable here. Fail to fulfil this requirement will result in a horrible, terrible death in the not too distant future.

 **Rule #2:** Kisses on the cheek, forehead, temple, head, ears and hands are fine. However, prepare yourself if you kiss Kuroko anywhere else because that's a one-way ticket to the demon duo's BDSM dungeon (if they had one).

 **Rule #3:** HIS SCARY BROTHERS MUST NOT FIND OUT OR ELSE WE'RE ALL DEAD.

...

Okay. Back to the story. Let's all enjoy the show, everyone!

* * *

 **Aomine Daiki**

* * *

"Mou, Dai-chan! Wake up! Tetsu-kun's already here!"

The ace of the Teikou basketball team gave a sleepy groan before turning over in his bed, promptly flipping the bird at his childhood friend.

"God! You're such a dick, Dai-chan! You'll never get Tetsu-kun with an attitude like that!"

A tick mark appeared over his head.

"Go away Satsuki."

The pretty pinkette gave a miffed ' _Hmph_!' and stomped away, slamming the door behind her.

Aomine, finally relieved that the girl was gone, flipped back onto his back and stared lazily into the ceiling. He'd been contemplating his 'game plans to get Tetsu to kiss me' since the end of yesterday's practice and already had a bad feeling that if he actually _did_ try out any of them in real life, he'd be in a world full of pain. And not because of the Kuroko emperor duo either.

His first game plan was to corner his best friend after class, preferably by a wall, and talk in that really deep voice of his that he _knew_ was super sexy. He'd be like, 'hey Tetsu, you're really tempting me today, you have to kiss me as punishment~' and the teal-haired bluenette would just _melt_ into his arms like a puddle and maybe even make out with him right there and then.

He'd congratulated himself for an hour for his ingenuity until he realized that his best friend would most likely Ignite Pass to the stomach and just leave him there to find his brothers, honestly.

His second game plan was to 'tactfully bribe' the phantom player with vanilla milkshakes...until he realized that it sounded a lot like he was asking for sexual favours from his _own best friend_ and just abandoned the dumb idea altogether. Just because he was a pervert doesn't mean he was _suicidal_ pervert.

As for his third game plan...

Well, he never _actually_ got through his third game plan. He knocked out halfway after 'using too many brain cells' and then woke up feeling pissed at himself.

...And now, because of that, he felt like crying at the pinch he was currently in.

"Maa...what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"Do what, Aomine-kun?"

The tanned player went completely rigid, before slowly looking over to the side.

A pair of totally blank eyes stared back at him, towering over his laid-back form slightly.

"WHAT THE...TETSU?"

Kuroko nodded his head nonchalantly.

"Hai. Good morning, Aomine-kun."

...

"How the hell did you get into my room?"

"I've been here the entire time."

...

"Lies," Aomine said bluntly, seeing the sheen of sweat on the phantom's neck.

"Actually, Momoi-san left the door open and I came in."

Aomine gave a groan and refrained from facepalming. Waaay too early for that shit, really.

"What, your bodyguards not accompanying you today, Tetsu?" Aomine mocked half-heartedly, glancing towards the door and simply _waiting_ for the demonic captain duo to just pop out and threaten him with some throwing knives or scissors or something.

Kuroko took the mocking with stride and replied with, "Seijuurou-niichan became impatient while we were waiting for you and almost went up to wake you up. But then Akashi-niichan stopped him ("Damn, I owe you one, Akashi.") and told him that we needed you in good shape for the next game ("Never mind, fuck you both." "Aomine-kun. Language." "Sorry Tetsu."). I suggested that they go ahead of me. They protested at first but Momoi-san convinced them otherwise. She was extremely persistent. I've never seen Akashi-niichan and Seijuurou-niichan walk away so fast in my entire life."

 _Eh? Satsuki_ threatened _them?_ _Why..._

And then the ace mentally-slapped himself in the face.

 _Damn, Satsuki. I'm buying you those shoes you wanted the next time we go out shopping. You're the best._

"We should get going - "

The phantom player gave a affronted squeak when he was suddenly cut off then picked up by Aomine's arms before being firmly pressed against his light's shirtless torso, the tanned male locking their ankles together, pinning the adorable teen against him.

"Aomine-kun, what are you - "

"Cuddle with me for a bit, Tetsu."

Kuroko craned his neck slightly so he could look at Aomine, his deadpan expression still ever so present on his cute face.

"Aomine-kun, stop being ridiculous. _Let. Me. Go._ "

Unfortunately, Aomine was already used to his shadow's (petulant) glares and merely brushed them off.

Kuroko thus jammed his elbow into the tanned teen's stomach, eliciting a loud 'OW!'

"Oi, Tetsu!"

Kuroko smirked slightly. "If you let me go, I'll stop, Aomine-kun."

Of course, that didn't work very well. Aomine had abs as hard as _rocks_. Kuroko decided to give up after his fourth try.

Kuroko tried a different approach. "Aomine-kun, we're going to be late for school."

"Don't worry. Satsuki will cover for us."

Just as Kuroko was about to politely tell the blue-haired ace off for 'taking advantage of Momoi-san', Aomine had removed one of his arms around him and seemed to be searching for something under his pillow.

"...What are you doing, Aomine-kun?"

"Finding my phone, duh."

Before Kuroko could even ask, Aomine had already flipped his phone open and tapped on his camera app.

"Let's take a selfie, Tetsu."

The teal-haired shadow just stared back at Aomine with a possibly even _more_ deadpan expression on his face, as if wordlessly asking ' _Why_?'

Since the two of them had been together for as long as they could remember and could actually somewhat understand each other's wordless actions, Aomine simply chuckled and ruffled his shadow's suddenly messy hair.

"Come on! We haven't done one in a while, y'know?

Steadying the phone in front of them, he happily buried his face into his shadow's hair, his lips pressing lightly onto it. Aomine was instantly hit by a delectable smell of fresh lilacs and his shadow's natural body smell that never failed to calm him when he did this sort of thing. He gave a throaty chuckle and nuzzled more into his best friend's hair.

"Damn Tetsu, you smell hella good."

"Please be wary of what you say, Aomine-kun."

"Jeez, you're such a spoiler. Now, say 'basketball'!"

 _Click!_

Grinning in satisfaction, Aomine pulled his phone away and hesitantly removed his arm holding down his shadow. To his hidden delight, Kuroko didn't immediately move out of the way and instead gave in to the heat of his light's toned chest _._

"Let's see how it turned out..."

Aomine flipped through his gallery and found the latest picture and tapped on it. The picture immediately enlarged to its full size for the two of them to see.

...

...

...

 _Hot_ _damn..._

The teal-haired blunette was tucked elegantly into his light's shirtless chest, knees splayed out across the tanned teen's calves a little clumsily, his own smaller hands reaching up to lightly tug on the muscular arm that was hugging around his shoulders a bit too tightly. The shadow's sky-blue eyes were cast upwards, an amused and exasperated look on his adorable face and a pale pink blush dotting the bridge of his nose. And since they took the picture so near the open window of Aomine's room, the sunlight was beautifully cast over their athletic bodies, giving the normally presence-less shadow an almost unearthly, otherworldly glow to his skin. And seeing as Aomine was technically _shirtless_ in the picture, their position actually resembled a lot like a post-coital cuddle between two lovers.

Wait. _WHAT? **Love** **rs** **!?**_

"It looks very nice," Kuroko commented with a mildly pleased expression on his face at the decent quality of the photo, "I'm surprised that Aomine-kun actually has other talents besides playing basketball."

...

...

...

"...Aomine-kun?"

...

...

...

The phantom player felt some weight sag onto his shoulder, and red liquid freely trickling down his uniform.

...

...

...

"...Aomine-kun, you're ruining my uniform."

There was silence as Aomine continued nosebleeding all over his shadow. Said shadow was completely oblivious of the self-inflicted internal crisis his light was going through - which was in fact starting to look pretty similar to the one his brothers had went through the other morning.

"Tetsu...you're gonna kill me one day..."

"?"

* * *

 **Murasakibara Atsushi**

* * *

"Ah, you. Shorty over there."

The girls in front of Murasakibara all flinched when he called them out, and then looks of confusion appeared on their faces when he didn't pinpoint exactly _who_ he was referring to.

"Atsushi-san, don't be rude," a headband-wearing girl with a strawberry blonde-colored bob admonished him, hands on her hips, lips forming a frown, "and you know my name. It's Arata."

"Sorry Ara-chin," Murasakibara apologized offhandedly, not sounding very sorry at all as his long arm reached out to grab the girl's shoulder, forcefully dragging her away from her circle of friends who were all looking at her with varying amounts of worry and amusement.

"Atsushi-san, you can let me go - "

The purple-haired center only stopped manhandling her to take out a maiubou from a Majiba plastic bag. And by the time he did that, they were already in the hallway and five people had shot the odd pair extremely concerned looks.

"So. What do you want, Atsushi-san?"

 _Munch. Munch. Munch._

Murasakibara wordlessly tossed her his purple cell phone and pointed towards the ceiling.

"I'm meeting Kuro-chin at the rooftop for lunch."

Arata gave the gigantic center walking beside her a raised eyebrow.

"...and?"

"I'm going to kiss Kuro-chin. Ara-chin must help me take a picture."

Arata almost dropped the phone hearing that.

In her head, she was already wildly imagining a hundred different scenarios of everything that _could_ go wrong with what her Titan 'friend' was going to do. Unlike most people, she was very much aware of who this 'Kuro-chin' person was. In fact, every time the purple-haired giant ever bothered to talk to her, this 'Kuro-chin' was all he would ever talk about. 'Kuro-chin' this and 'Kuro-chin' that, sometimes asking 'Ara-chin, do you want some beef flavored maiubou?' 'I can't eat beef, Atsushi-san' 'Yay~ more for me then', but then he would continue on talking about something 'interesting' his mystery crush had done the day before and he'd have such a blissfully childish expression on his face that it made it very hard for Arata to tell him to shut up when it got too annoying.

"I want to know if Kuro-chin tastes like vanilla," he added.

At that point of time, Arata was currently questioning her choice of friends and also having as what she would've liked to call a 'Nijimura-senpai moment' aka 'contemplating whether she should bring Murasakibara to a psychiatric hospital to get him checked because normal people do **not** think of this kind of shit'.

She didn't really have much of a choice to back out by then, since they were already at their destination.

"Kuro-chin~ Kuro-chin~ please come out~ Kuro-chin~," Murasakibara singsonged, sounding a little too much like an owner calling out a missing pet.

Silence.

"Atsushi-san, I don't think your friend is here - "

"Murasakibara-kun, please don't call me out like that. I'm not a dog."

Arata gave herself credit for not screaming as she jumped back by a few feet and hid behind Murasakibara.

Kuroko stared at Murasakibara unamusedly, while Murasakibara nodded at the smaller teen with a dopey smile on his face.

"Hi Kuro-chin~, meet my friend Ara-chin."

Arata peeked out of the center's tall body cautiously, shooting the apparent mystery crush of Murasakibara's a curious look.

This 'Kuro-chin' was pretty short in stature - compared to most guys anyway - and was kind of plain, in a feminine way. He had teal-blue hair and large, doe-like eyes and unblemished, snowy-white skin that somehow made Arata a little envious.

"Hello," 'Kuro-chin' smiled radiantly at her, bowing his head slightly, "nice to meet you. My name is Kuroko Tetsuya."

...

...

...

 _ **DOKI.**_

Arata blushed brightly all the way from her neck to ears.

 _W-What...what **destructive** power! _ she thought in amazement, looking over to the purple-haired giant - who had maiubou comically dropping halfway out of his mouth, a tomato-red blush rising to his cheeks.

"A-Arata Yuri," Arata stuttered, her hand trembling as she went to shake the adorable boy's hand, "A-Atsushi-san's friend."

He shook her hand politely and shot another mind-blowing smile at Murasakibara.

"I'm really happy you made a friend, Murasakibara-kun. I was worried that Murasakibara-kun was lonely outside of practice."

The drooping maiubou fell to the floor.

"K-Kuro-chin..." Murasakibara teared up adorably as he towered over the smaller boy before glomping him with his huge body.

"So cute...Kuro-chin...I want to eat you up so much~..." Murasakibara wept childishly, practically picking the teal-haired teen off his feet and pressing the teen's face against his broad chest.

"M-Muwsakibawa-kun, I can't bweathe..."

The giant instantly released him and gently put him back on his feet. Ruffling his hair in apology, he offered Kuroko a piece of candy.

"Hai~ Kuro-chin, vanilla drop for you~."

Arata watched in mild shock as Kuroko opened his mouth slightly to accept the small, round object in his mouth. The expression of pure bliss on Murasakibara's face as he fed his crush made the girl dizzy with pride.

"Kuro-chin...I have a favor from you~."

Kuroko looked up at him curiously, sucking delicately on the drop. It was no surprise when Murasakibara instantly zeroed in on the rather suggestive show of the candy in the shadow's mouth.

Arata sighed and passed her 'friend' a tissue.

"Atsushi-san, you're drooling."

...

"Oh, thanks Ara-chin."

After sloppily wiping his mouth, he suddenly grabbed the smaller teal-haired teen by the waist and pulled him close, having to bend over slightly to do so.

"Kuro-chin~ can I taste you?"

...

 _SO...SO STRAIGHTFORWARD!_

Kuroko scrunched up his nose at the giant's request.

"Murasakibara-kun, I don't think that's very hygienic," Kuroko replied, looking mildly ill at the prospect of Murasakibara 'tasting him'.

Murasakibara pouted and leaned down so his lips were barely pressing onto the skin behind the teal-haired bluenette's ear.

"I have vanilla milkshake, Kuro-chin," he said it a seductive tone.

 _ **DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!**_

Arata watched on worriedly when Kuroko slowly pulled away from the giant's vice grip, his bangs shadowing his face slightly.

When he looked up, his eyes were _sparkling_.

"...Really? Murasakibara-kun?"

 _W...WHAT._

Murasakibara smiled cheerfully in return and casually took out the milkshake from the Majiba bag. Arata watched, completely deadpanned as the teal-haired bluentte's eyes seemed to sparkle even _more_ with each movement Murasakibara made to take out the vanilla milkshake.

"Let me taste Kuro-chin and I'll let Kuro-chin have his milkshake, okay~?" Murasakibara proposed, grinning cheekily.

The completely self-inserted OC almost fell onto the floor anime-style when the stupidly adorable teal-haired teen carefully considered the situation before nodding seriously.

"Okay, Murasakibara-kun..."

 _K...K-Kuroko-san is such a slut for vanilla milkshakes..._ was the only thought that went through her mind.

"Ara-chin~ ready~"

"A..Ah! H-Hai!" Arata stuttered, quickly fumbling with the phone functions.

Kuroko had his eyes firmly shut, lips curling in worry, fists curled as if waiting for an incoming blow.

Murasakibara looked mildly displeased.

"Aww~ come on, Kuro-chin, not like that~."

Arata outright squeaked as her purple-haired giant sat down, rudely pulling down his smaller teammate down with him. Said teammate gave a squeak himself as he was being pulled into the childish center's rather spacious lap.

"..."

Kuroko was not expecting to be literally manhandled so he was facing the purple-haired center, his tiny hands lightly pressing against the other's stupidly broad chest.

"Okay~! You ready Kuro-chin~? Three, two, one..."

The strawberry blonde-haired girl almost forgot to press the camera button as Murasakibara smoothly swept in for a kiss.

...If a 'kiss' counted as Murasakibara happily ravishing the tiny teen's cheek with his tongue.

 _Click!_

There was a quick flash, and some momentary dumbfoundedness on Kuroko's behalf as the giant pulled away after a few seconds, leaving some...slobber on the teal-haired blunette's abused pink cheek.

Arata didn't even want to look at the picture she just took. She was sure it was full of dirty pheromones that would've unfortunately unlocked some inner forbidden fujoshi within her. She did _not_ want to go there just yet, thank you very much.

"You alright, Kuroko-san?" Arata asked with an apologetic smile, passing the passing specialist (get it? No? Shut up, Izuki) a spare tissue.

"Ah, thank you, Arata-san," Kuroko nodded, taking it gratefully before using it to wipe his overly slippery cheek hurriedly. Arata gave a look of disgust of her own when the tissue got drenched in seconds.

"I will take my leave now," Kuroko stated blandly, taking the milkshake away from the center's grip and smoothly getting out of said center's lap. The bluenette and Arata nodded awkwardly at each other before Kuroko practically ran away from them.

...

"Kuroko-san is a very interesting person," Arata said, sweatdropping.

 _Awkward but cute, now where have I seen that combination before?_ she asked to herself before darting to look at Murasakibara.

Wait...

Arata watched closely as Murasakibara didn't move. He didn't even _twitch_ , and it was possible he wasn't even breathing.

He wasn't eating either.

Now _that_ was fucking worrying.

"A-Atsushi-san?"

...

...

...

"Ara-chin..."

The girl gave a yelp as she was almost launched off her feet at the sudden weight on her back. The purple-haired giant was hugging her from behind, his messy head on top of hers, and he was _shaking_.

"Atsushi-san? What's wrong!?" Arata yelled, alarmed when she couldn't even _budge_ from his vice hold.

 _Sniff..._

Huh?

 _Sniff...sniff..._

WAIT, WAS ATSUSHI-SAN -

 _Sniff...sob...sniff..._

 _ **CRYING!?**_

"Ara-chin..." he repeated tearfully, hiccuping on his tears.

"...Yes, Atsushi-san?"

There was a moment of silence where Arata let the giant sniff loudly before he continued.

"Ara-chin...Kuro-chin..."

"..."

And then Murasakibara broke down.

"UWAHHHH...! ARA-CHIIIIN! KURO-CHIN DOESN'T TASTE LIKE VANILLA...DESU!"

"Wait, wha - "

Murasakibara wept even louder, causing huge droplets of salty tears to fall onto the small girl's sweater.

"I...I LICKED KURO-CHIN FOR SEVEN SECONDS...A-AND...KURO-CHIN TASTED LIKE SWEAT AND - "

Murasakibara buried himself even deeper into his midget friend's hair and _bawled_.

"K-KURO-CHIN...KURO-CHIN DIDN'T TASTE LIKE VANILLA AT ALL!"

Silence.

...

...

...

"There there..." was the only thing Arata could reply with as she reached around to awkwardly pat Murasakibara's head.

Murasakibara continued sniffing, his hold on her tightening even more to a few levels of discomfort.

"You smell like strawberry, Ara-chin..."

 _SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF..._

"...Atsushi-san, I don't taste like strawberries, for your information."

She probably shouldn't have said that, because Murasakibara actually cried _harder_ at the horrible revelation and started wailing on about why people didn't taste as nice as they looked in real life.

* * *

 **Midorima Shintarou**

* * *

Midorima prided himself in his methodical observation skills.

He didn't need any ridiculous game plans like that brainless ganguro Aomine, or disturbing 'food seduction' like Murasakibara, or even non-consensual force like Haizaki - which Midorima was sure he was going to use to coerce the phantom player for a kiss.

He was going to approach this challenge with the _tact_ and _subtlety_ of an Akashi-approved shogi player that he truly was.

...

Well, that was what _he_ would've liked to say went through his mind..

In all reality, Midorima had already surrendered to the basic instinct of _completely losing his shit_. He didn't look like it, but he was pacing around the library like a shizo and squinting at random tables and bookshelves as the time ticked by. By the time it was half past lunch break, everyone in the library had filed out in fear of the suddenly psychotic Oha-Asa fanatic.

It was because of two reasons.

First of all, he did not have his lucky item for the day.

If _that_ didn't make his situation worse, the fact that Cancer was _dead last_ made everything go to hell for Teikou's shooting guard. His luck had been _abysmal_ since this morning: he almost got run over by a lorry, a cat attacked him on the way to school, and some random woman slapped him across the face on the assumption that he 'looked like her deadbeat husband'. And at that point he wanted to slap her the fuck back because _exactly how many f*cking people in this country has green f*cking hair and is 5'8 and has it crossed your delusional mind that I am in **middle school** you f*cking b*tch!?_

He didn't say that to her face, of course. Hell no. The lady who slapped him looked frighteningly 6''2 and had the body of a sumo wrestler. Thus, he decided that his best course of action at that time was to run away really really fast without looking back like the self-persevering coward he was.

As for the second reason...

...

Kuroko wasn't here.

On a normal day, Midorima wouldn't be giving two shits about whether Kuroko was in school or not. Okay, maybe he did, if the fact that he was always one of the first people to text Kuroko and ask him whether he was okay proved anything (before lecturing him for making him worry and telling him about his horoscope and personally sending him a picture of his lucky item via email). But today was the day of the devil. The day of Satan. The End Of The World As You Know It.

Why?

Oh I don't know, does a freaking _kissing challenge of death_ ring a bell, nanodayo?

And on top of that and his shitty luck, what Oha-Asa said after revealing his less than desirable position made his heart stop and his knees buckle.

 _"Please watch out today Cancer, for tragic luck is around the corner for you! However, if you play your cards right with an Aquarius, Lady Luck might just tip into your favor! Today's lucky item is an intimate picture of Cancer's loved one!"_

Hearing that made Midorima wonder that hey, maybe Nijimura-senpai was right and he should cool off on Oha-Asa for awhile. Because what they said on that show made him question whether someone was stalking him in real life because the requirements to improve his luck plus his lucky item of the day were just way too much of a coincidence for it to be healthy. Though, his devotion to the fortune-telling show overpowered this sense of reason and he quickly discarded that possibly true thought. And thus, he had bravely left the somewhat safe confines of his home and came to school today.

... And also, he _really_ didn't want to waste the amount of effort he put into scouting out the most requent places Kuroko would spend his lunch break in. Thankfully, it was the library, because Midorima was just about to straight up snap and just randomly demand people where Kuroko was. Hell, he even went off to 'borrow' a shogi board from the Shogi Club and put it on the table Kuroko liked to sit at! Okay fine, he _stole_ a shogi board -

"Midorima-kun, are you okay?"

Midorima had to the sense to clamp his mouth close before giving out a girly shriek when he found a certain phantom player standing in front of him.

"K...Kuroko!"

Kuroko blinked at him. "Yes, it is me."

...

"I'm surprised Midorima-kun hasn't asked me how long I've been here."

Midorima facepalmed.

"Die, Kuroko nanodayo."

"I apologize, Midorima-kun."

Midorima pressed the bridge of his nose in irritation. No, no time for useless chit-chat! Get on with the program!

"Kuroko, as painful as it is for me to say. Please indulge me in a game of shogi."

Midorima quietly gestured to the shogi board conveniently set next to them.

"Oh," Kuroko nodded blankly, "are we playing for fun, or will there be stakes?"

There was a suspicious glint in the green-haired shooter's glasses as said shooter nodded.

"Nothing unreasonable, as usual?"

"Of course, nanodayo."

Kuroko's eyes narrowed slightly at his teammate, "I hope you will not ask me to wear that princess costume because you 'could not think of anything else' again, Midorima-kun. I had a lot of explaining to do to Akashi-niichan. And it didn't help that Seijuurou-niichan kept taking pictures for 'safe keeping'."

Midorima scoffed and pushed up his glasses in a megane fashion. "It was your loss, don't come complaining to me about it, Kuroko."

They continued on with their traditional banter as Midorima ended up leading the two to the table where he had laid down his shogi board.

"I'm surprised Midorima-kun is inviting me to play shogi," Kuroko said, deciding to take the white side, "Midorima-kun normally wins."

Midorima pushed up his glasses with a smirk, "Of course I do."

Kuroko added, "You always lose to Akashi-niichan and Seijuurou-niichan though."

 **STAB!**

"And it seems that Midorima-kun does not have his lucky item today either," Kuroko states after giving the green-haired shooter a brief once-over.

 **STAB!**

"I conclude that because of that, Midorima-kun has not been having a good day today, since he seems to be gravely injured," Kuroko pointed out once again, indicating the handprint and scratches Midorima had on his face.

 **STAB! TRIPLE FOUL! FREE TH - oh wait, he's dead, nevermind.**

"Ah...sorry, Midorima-kun. We've spent too much time monologing, let's not waste time and start."

As Kuroko said all of this, Midorima was already half-dead on the chair, random fungi growing out of his head and metaphorical safety scissors being stabbed into him from all sides _._

 _YOU STARTED IT YOU LITTLE SHIT NANODAYO WHY I -_

Midorima coughed to himself and quickly straightened himself out to continue the game. No, wait he had to concentrate -

"Midorima-kun."

"What nanodayo?"

Kuroko gestured to the shogi board, looking unamused.

"Checkmate, Midorima-kun."

...

...

...

Midorima slammed both his hands down on the table.

" _WHAT!?_ "

"Please keep your voice down, Midorima-kun, we're in a library."

Midorima ignored him. Instead, he stared down at the shogi board in horror.

"H-HOW!?"

Kuroko beat him in _two_ _moves_. What. The. NANODAYO!?

"It was easy, considering Midorima-kun was distracted."

The green-haired shooter stared at the teal-haired boy in increasing horror.

"So...I win."

And then Midorima noticed it, and slapped himself on the forehead.

"Yes...you win..."

Kuroko blinked at him in surprise.

"Midorima-kun is accepting defeat?"

Midorima glared at the other boy in annoyance, "Don't be stupid, I know when I lose, especially to such a strategy nanodayo."

"I'm sorry, Midorima-kun. I didn't think pulling a Fool's Mate would actually work on you."

An angry red tick mark appeared on the green-haired teen's temple.

"Are you insulting me, Kuroko nanodayo?"

"No, I am merely stating a fact, I did not expect to win Midorima-kun with that move."

 _YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO AGGRAVATE ME TODAY, AREN'T Y -_

Kuroko sighed. "Midorima-kun, what is your lucky item of the day?"

...

Huh?

Kuroko stared at his teammate with dead-on blankness.

"I asked - "

"I know what you asked, nanodayo!" Midorima waved him off hastily, "But I don't need your pity - "

Now this time, _Kuroko_ cut him off.

"Midorima-kun, I am not doing it out of pity. I'm asking because I do not feel that I have won, considering that I took advantage of Midorima-kun while he was distracted. So will you please tell me your lucky item?"

Midorima bit back a cry of joy at this. He must thank his _tsun tsun_ side for that self-control.

"A intimate picture of Cancer's...friend."

Because Midorima would die if he told Kuroko that he'd specifically needed a picture of _him_.

Wait, no, Kuroko wasn't his loved -

"Can you be more specific, Midorima-kun?" Kuroko asked him tiredly.

The teal-haired phantom amusedly watched as Midorima pushed up his glasses nervously and fumbled with the shogi pieces.

"For example...a picture of two people kissing...for instance."

Midorima could not be any more obvious, was the thought of every sentient being on Earth.

Kuroko gave another sigh, the palm of his hand connecting to his nose.

"Midorima-kun, do you want to kiss me?"

Shogi pieces flew into the air.

"W-W-W-WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, KURO - "

"Midorima-kun, I'm just asking. If you need, I could ask Momoi-san or Nijimura-senpai to help you with your plight."

"NO! DEFINITELY NOT THEM!"

"Why? Aren't Momoi-san and Nijimura-senpai your friends as well?"

Not wanting to get into _another_ pointless banter, Midorima simply growled impatiently at the other teen.

"Fine. Kuroko, will you mind if I kissed your hand?"

If it made Midorima feel any worse, Kuroko was giving him a look of _actual_ pity this time.

Not going to take any more shit from the phantom player, Midorima tossed him his cell phone and clambered out of his seat to kneel in front of the teen.

"Make it quick, nanodayo."

"I will if Midorima-kun would kiss me already."

"Please don't say such misleading things, Kuroko!"

"I'm sorry, please continue."

Kuroko flipped Midorima's phone open and was already holding it in front of him.

"Whenever you're ready, Midorima-kun."

"I-I know what I'm doing, nanodayo!"

The green-haired shooter was already a little pink from their current situation. He'd taken the other teen's hand, finding it rather curious on the size difference between his and Kuroko's. Compared to Midorima's large, elegant hand, Kuroko's looked...almost cute. Midorima found himself cradling the smaller teen's hand within his, softly caressing the stark beauty that was Kuroko's snowy white skin and worryingly thin wrist.

"You eat too little and you go out even less, Kuroko," Midorima stated.

The green-haired shooter's heart couldn't help but leap a little when he looked up to see a little wry smile on the teal-haired male's face.

"I get that a lot from Aomine-kun, Akashi-niichan and Seijuurou-niichan already, Midorima-kun. I didn't expect that coming from you."

Midorima darkened considerably at that, instinctively squishing the tiny hand.

"I am simply informing you, do not take it the wrong way."

"I won't, Midorima-kun."

Midorima gave a heavy sigh of relief.

 _Alright, stop fooling around, Shintarou._

Heaving up the last scrap of his courage, Midorima lifted Kuroko's hand and brought it up to his lips.

 _Click!_

As soon as he heard the click of the camera go off, Midorima tore away from Kuroko as if he had a disease.

He did it.

He _did it_.

Good god, he actually _did it_.

He completed the ridiculous challenge!

And now crap, he actually wanted to kiss Kuroko's hand again...

It was fast, and impactful. The impeccable softness and smoothness of Kuroko's skin hit Midorima's taste buds like a fifty ton rock. He didn't think pillow softeners could feel that soft. Heck, even _clouds_ couldn't feel that soft...

"Do you like it, Midorima-kun?"

Midorima's green eyes swerved to check out the product of his suffering/pleasure.

The green-haired shooter _could_ say that he was not and use that as an excuse to kiss Kuroko again, but he had to admit, the picture looked good.

Even though Kuroko's face couldn't be seen, anyone could tell it was Kuroko taking the picture, since no-one had such a delicate hand like that.

(And from that realization onwards, Midorima developed a hand fetish)

Midorima's face was in prominent view, and thankfully, it made him look pretty damn good.

Kuroko had - on the dot - captured Midorima's handsome face as his lips met the bluenette's delicate hand. The flash actually made it look quite surreal - and not to mention _seductive_. Midorima was looking upwards in Kuroko's direction, eyes half-shut in a way that would make girls moan at the fantastic display of raw sexiness from the shooter. His lips looked more kissable than normal, and coupled with his 'tsundere aura' appeal...

Yup.

It was an inevitable conclusion.

Midorima Shintarou, is one sexy motherfucker.

"Thank you, Kuroko," Midorima said a little breathlessly, shocked at the picture's quality and never expecting himself to look so...

"You are actually photogenic, Midorima-kun, I'm surprised," Kuroko said in quiet awe - of his photography skills and the fact he'd never noticed that Midorima actually looked downright hot when he wasn't scowling.

"For today, I will overlook that insult to my appearance."

"Thank you, Midorima-kun."

(Is it bad that they ended up admiring Midorima's beautiful kissing picture for the entirety of lunch break after that...?)

(They did.)

* * *

 **Haizaki Shougo**

* * *

Haizaki hadn't slept well that night.

Well, who would, really? Barely twenty four hours prior he had just made a deal with the devil in exchange for a fleeting moment of emotional ecstasy. To steal the Phantom Sixth Man's first kiss before anyone else and reign supreme over that asshole Aomine and that closet perv Nijimura.

...With the horrifying drawback of Seijuurou and Akashi finding out and resulting in making his life a living, traumatizing hell for 'corrupting' their darling brother's 'virginity'.

Fucking brocons.

Anyway, with the result of not sleeping well that night, Haizaki arrived pretty much five hours late for school and already wondering why he'd even bothered coming in the first place. Since it was pretty much a good ten minutes into the second last period of the day, he decided to just sleep off the rest of the day in the infirmary and devise a plan to get a kiss out of the invisible player before practice started.

 _Ahh, how great the mind of Haizaki Shougo worked!_ he thought with a pleased smirk on his face.

Of course, Fate hated his guts. Either that, or Fate was being particularly vindictive that day and decided to give him the golden opportunity of a lifetime or an eternal death sentence to whatever hell he wished to go to.

Because of all the things he expected to happen today, _crashing_ into **that** someone was not one of them.

There were particularly loud grunts of pain from both affected parties, and with the force inflicted on Haizaki's upper torso, the silver-haired male was thrown off by a few feet, landing quite harshly on his poor behind.

"Arrghh...what the fuck! Watch where you're fucking going you - "

And then Haizaki paused.

He glanced at the unconscious body lying sprawled on the floor in front of him, and his jaw dropped slightly.

No doubt the small, if not petite body that he had forcefully bumped into, belonged to one Kuroko Tetsuya: passing specialist extraordinaire and the cutest little shit any straight guy had ever laid their eyes on. Of course, that didn't apply to Haizaki.

However, seeing the phantom player lying so _defenselessly_ in front of him with his shirt unbuttoned to reveal a _glorious_ expanse of milky white skin, eyes shut closed, cheeks flushed beautifully and pouty pink lips parting slightly in a blissed out 'O' shape did some _very_ strange things to the uncouth slacker's brain.

Because any strong-willed, level-headed person would've already had their hearts going _**doki doki**_ like some teenager girls with senpai crushes just by seeing the adorable teal-haired boy in that position. And if that was the case, Haizaki was already one poor life choice away from practically _assaulting_ the innocent angel in front of him.

Wait a fucking minute. This was his chance, goddammit!

Gasping out in realization, he snatched his bag off the floor and started rummaging into his satchel bag.

Ahhh! Phone. Phone. Phone. Ah, yes, phone! Camera mode...yes, yes, fuck yes!

Just as he was about to just kiss the kid and take a quick photo and be done with it; a devious, amazing, and also _life-fucking-threatening_ idea popped up into his mind.

In a few seconds, Haizaki had already picked up the smaller boy in his arms, bridal-style, surprising even himself at his uncharacteristic show of gentlemanly chivalry as he frantically made his way to the infirmary and promptly kicked the door open.

Ah. Empty. Perfect!

Laying the small teen down on the bed furthest away from the door, he quickly closed the curtains surrounding him and smiled deviously to himself.

Propping his phone up on top of the cupboard and setting the camera timer to ten minutes, he slowly climbed onto the bed, making quiet and fluid movements so as to not wake up the unconscious phantom player. He could feel the bed dip slightly with the added weight on it, and took a deep breath as he towered precariously over the vulnerable bluenette.

 _This is it_ , he thought to himself, unsure why the fuck was his heart hammering away in his chest and anxiety crawling around inside him as he eyed the beautiful boy underneath him.

 _Whoa._

Kuroko Tetsuya almost looked like an actual _girl_ like this. Skin white as snow, eyelashes thick and long, a slim, delicate body, and not to mention his fluffy, teal-blue hair that was now messily drawn over his face, strands fanning his cheeks like little curly halos.

Before he could even rethink his current life choices right now, his calloused hand was already trailing gently along Kuroko's jaw, fingers caressing almost _tenderly_ on the phantom player's soft cheeks, barely breathing as he relished in the almost impossible skin quality of the normally deadpan player.

"Fuck, Tetsuya," escaped Haizaki's lips before he knew it, as he lightly flicked the teal-haired strands covering Kuroko's face, his eyes zooming in on his pale-pink lips almost instantly.

 _Kiss him._

The hand that was on his cheek gently grazed over the phantom's slightly moist lips.

 _Just do it. Get it over with._

That was what Haizaki exactly wanted to do. Get it the hell over with so he could boast that he'd finally stolen the phantom's first kiss and maybe just pretend it never happened after a week or two. To keep it low, really.

The crippling anxiety came back to him in full force at his initial thought.

God, what was wrong with him? He'd kissed tons of girls during his spare time! Pretty, slutty girls that were much more sexier than Kuroko and had actual _curves_ , god dammit! Grow a fucking pair, Shougo!

And yet, after a few minutes of simply _basking_ in the apparent beauty that was Kuroko Tetsuya, Haizaki was having second thoughts.

He couldn't do this.

Fuck.

He _actually_ couldn't do this.

And if he did, he'd probably kill himself for tainting something even purer than a freakin' _baby_.

He gave a groan of pure dread at the sudden realization that hit him harder than when he banged into Kuroko earlier.

He had a crush on Tetsuya.

Yup. You heard it. He had a crush. On a _guy_. On _Tetsuya_. On the cutest ever fucking person on the planet who was at the same time fucking _related_ to those demon emperor twins!

 _When did it happen?_ he contemplated furiously. He always thought he was straight! But after meeting the adorable Kuroko who always had that infuriating, blank look on his face and sometimes even had the _gall_ to jab him in the ribs when he was slacking...or that one time when he offered him a portion of his bento when he forgot to bring one...or when he'd caught Haizaki making out with some random bimbo in an abandoned classroom and the utter fact that he'd actually _blushed_ when he caught them 'doing the do' was...

Fuck, Haizaki Shougo had it bad.

By the time he came to that realization that he was gay for _the_ Kuroko Tetsuya, said male was already wake, blinking curiously at Haizaki.

"WAAHHH! WHAT THE FUCK, TETSUYA! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AWAKE?"

"... Since just now."

It took all the willpower in him to not facepalm at this little gag routine that happened _every single time_ during practice.

"Ugh...fuck...whatever...I'm fuckin' leaving..."

Just as Haizaki was about to climb out of the bed in ragged defeat, a hand shot out at him and tugged onto the edge of his Teikou uniform.

Haizaki hesitantly turned to face the teal-haired boy, who was staring at him intently with those blank, sky blue eyes of his.

"...What do you want, Tetsuya?"

Kuroko blinked once.

"Did Haizaki-kun bring me here?"

Haizaki simply looked away in shame and responded, "Yeah. So what?"

A few seconds of silence passed by before Haizaki decided to give in and see what the phantom player was up to. He kinda regretted that he did, really, because what he saw in front of him did _way_ more damage to him than when he caught the powder bluenette splayed over the floor earlier.

Kuroko was _smiling_.

It might've been the lack of sleep, or maybe he'd caught some horrible disease that made him hallucinate, but Haizaki was pretty sure that there were freaking _bishie_ sparkles around the phantom player as well as random imagery of cute puppies and rainbows and sakura flowers and WHAT THE FUCK KUROKO TETSUYA WAS SMILING WHAT IN THE FUCK MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE FROM MASSIVE CUTENESS.

Well, no. Haizaki was _definitely_ not thinking that. It was definitely something along those lines though.

"Thank you, Haizaki-kun," Kuroko said softly, a very light blush dusting his cheeks, "I always thought that Haizaki-kun hated me, so I'm really relieved that Haizaki-kun cared enough to bring me here while I was unconscious..."

Well fuck, it didn't exactly happen that way, but...

"Would you...like anything in return, Haizaki-kun?" the powder bluenette asked, head tilted to the side cutely.

 _Bring you back to my house and introduce you to my mom_ , was what Haizaki wanted to say, or even _let me take_ _you out for a movie_ or _please let me cuddle you until we fall asleep on the couch_ but considering this was _Haizaki_ we were talking about, the first thing that came out of his mouth was:

"CanIkissyouTetsuya."

A moment of silence for the formerly straight man.

Oh my god.

 _Shougo. What the fuck. What is wrong with you?_ the spiky-haired player thought in a horrified panic.

Kuroko staring at him blankly.

"Okay, Haizaki-kun."

Haizaki stopped reprimanding himself and froze up, staring at the teal-haired male who was suddenly a little too close to his liking. The powder bluenette was sitting with his legs elegantly tucked to his chest.

"Wait... _what_?" was Haizkai's unintelligible reply.

The phantom player tilted his head to the other side and Haizaki's heart felt like exploding.

"I said okay, Haizaki-kun."

Haizaki gave a huge gulp of air at the teal-haired male's readied consent.

"Umm...is Haizaki-kun okay if you could only kiss me on the cheek?"

Haizaki deflated slightly at that response, but was already nodding like an eager puppy anyway, as he tentatively crawled closer to Kuroko on his hands and knees.

 _Breathe, Shougo. Fucking breathe._

He'd never admit it, but he had already foregone his usual sleazy façade and if anything, he looked like a little girl about to kiss her older brother for the first time, if his blush and trembling lips were anything to go by. And yes, it is a weird analogy. Shut up.

He lowered his head slightly, his hand shaking as he held onto the phantom's shoulder for support. God, he could feel Kuroko's breath lingering around his face, and his slightly half-lidded eyes and delicate, light-pink blush that rose up to the phantom's pale cheeks.

 _Fuck. Okay, I can do it._

And that was when Fate decided that he needed one good kick in the balls.

Just as his other hand was about to reach out to hopefully touch the teal-haired male's cheek, his knee slipped.

There was a high-pitched yell from his side as his lips smashed against Kuroko's and they both tumbled back into the bed, his hand slipping underneath the phantom player's shirt and and Kuroko's fingers unconsciously fisting onto the silver-haired man's hair.

 _Click!_

"Fuck, you okay Tetsuya?" Haizaki groaned lowly, slowly pushing himself off the teal-haired bluennete.

"Ah...I'm okay, Haizaki-kun...thank you for asking," Kuroko winced in reply as he accepted the taller teen's offered hand and allowed him to hoist him up.

Haizaki couldn't help but feel the need to stab himself very, very deeply at what just happened, and honestly just hoped the other teen would forget that it ever happened, considering Haizaki _just pretty much_ **stole** the brat's first kiss and if this got back to his demon brothers he was generally quite fucked.

He flipped his phone open to see the picture and hoping it actually _caught_ something.

Unfortunately, it did.

On his screen, his clothed body was pressed closely against the phantom's, their contrasting eyes blown as their lips met and Kuroko had a rather...arousing expression as he was being kissed. His fingers were tugging onto the silver-haired copycat's hair and said copycat _appeared_ to be caressing the smaller male's exposed stomach. All in all, it looked like something that screamed 'OH MY GOD LET'S HAVE SEX' and that ended up leaving Haizaki absolutely _mortified_. He looked pretty hot though. And at least they both looked good together in bed...

"Ah..."

Haizaki looked up at Kuroko, who was covering his face with his palms. The tips of his ears were completely red and his sky blue eyes had darkened a bit in an unmistakable emotion.

"...that was my first kiss..."

Haizaki wanted to apologize stupidly again until Kuroko looked up at him with a demure look on his blushing face.

"Haizaki-kun..please take responsibility...okay?"

 _ **CRACK.**_

Haizaki sat frozen from where he was sitting, not budging, jaw unhinged.

"Haizaki-kun?" Kuroko asked warily, quietly poking the suddenly very-still teen.

Poke.

Poke.

Poke.

Ah.

...

Haizaki's form had turned completely white, his eyes so dead they looked even deader than Kuroko's.

Apparently, he had broken the silver-haired copycat.

 _Ah...I was only teasing him..._ Kuroko inwardly pouted as he heard the bell signalling the end of class.

Kuroko promptly stood up, quietly dusting himself off before bowing quickly to his teammate.

"I'll take my leave now. See you at practice, Haizaki-kun."

And without turning back, he quickly left the starstruck copycat behind to unfreeze himself, grinning slightly as a brief 'call me Shougo' left Haizaki's lips on his way out.

* * *

 **SPECIAL \- Nijimura Shuuzo**

* * *

Nijimura was annoyed.

He'd been silently flipping through the pictures his juniors had sent him regarding the 'Kuroko Kiss Challenge'. And let's just say all of them truly made him feel like beating the shit out of Haizaki, Aomine and Murasakibara (if he could actually _reach_ him) respectively.

First picture of the day was Aomine in bed with the Rainbow Captain's indecent junior fantasy. Nijimura almost crushed his phone on the spot and understandably scared off a good hundred students and a few mildly concerned teachers during morning assembly.

Second picture was Murasakibara _licking_ the walking-wet-dream-of-the-basketball-team's cheek. Which should - by itself - be a federal _crime_. Nijimura didn't understand how he could've restrained himself from stomping out of his classroom during break to find that gigantic purple-head son of a bitch for indecently licking Kuroko like that!

As for Midorima's case, Nijimura was unfortunately torn. Not torn between whether to beat up Midorima or not, but torn between _questioning_ who was cuter: Midorima or Kuroko. Because seriously, that picture was cute as _fuck_ with that erogenous display of Kuroko's skin and Midorima being totally 'dere dere'.

As for Haizaki...

...

Maybe he should hit the punk harder the next time the he decided to slack off again...

Preferably with numbchucks.

Or knives!

Ooh! Ooh! Seijuurou's scissors!

(Unfortunately, Nijimura only wanted to punish Haizaki, not scar him for life. Sigh, maybe next time.)

"Ano...is everything okay, Nijimura-senpai?"

Nijimura looked down at the younger boy and felt his stomach do a tiny little backflip. It was a huge, _huge_ rarity for his tiny junior to be walking home alone without the protection of the 'Tetsuya/Kuroko protection squad' aka his two sufficiently terrifying brothers. And the fact that he was looking at Nijimura with such touching _sweetness_ on his face was...

"Of course everything's fine, let's go, Kuroko."

Of course, he _had_ to go all Tsunderima at him and answer back like that.

Kuroko nodded and quickly walked in step with his senpai out of the gates.

Despite the fact that this particular senpai-and-kohai pair weren't particularly very talkative - especially since Nijimura had been feeling awkward around the shadow since the startling revelation yesterday that yes, he _did_ have some unrequited feelings for his junior - there was a steady flow of conversation between them as they talked about basketball-related topics and Nijimura asking if Kuroko was coping well in his studies.

They passed by Majiba, where Kuroko asked whether he could buy a vanilla milkshake first. In the heat of the moment, Nijimura had kindly offered to buy for his teal-haired junior, and couldn't help smiling a little at the ecstatic look on the smaller teen's face as he happily sipped his vanilla milkshake on their way out.

"You really like those milkshakes, huh, Kuroko?"

Kuroko nodded, his deadpan expression ruined by a minuscule smile that curved upward by a fraction when the straw prodded the inside of his cheek. Then he slowly pulled back on the straw with a soft 'pop!' noise that made Nijimura swallow loudly.

"Nijimura-senpai, do you want to drink some?"

The Rainbow Captain noticed that Kuroko had a little vanilla spot on the corner of his mouth as he offered his senpai his drink.

"Sure," the former captain said as he leaned down to the smaller boy's height - and instead of drinking off the straw, he quickly licked the little white spot off his cheek.

"Too sweet," Nijimura couldn't help grinning as the younger boy clutched his recently licked cheek on instinct and looked back at Nijimura in embarrassed surprise.

"...really, Nijimura-senpai?"

Nijimura grinned wider as the smaller male pouted slightly and went back to sipping his drink.

The rest of the walk back to the Kuroko Residence was met with a comfortable silence, which Nijimura took as an invitation to worry a little about his family's condition.

He didn't let it show - in fear of eliciting the worry of his arguably adorable juniors, even if their blatant shows of concern and affections were really quite heartwarming. He could vividly remember what happened when their coach broke the news to the team that Nijimura was resigning as captain to take care of his father.

It was chaotic.

Let's just say he couldn't feel his limbs for awhile after one Aomine, Murasakibara, Kuroko, Akashi and Seijuurou (plus Midorima who had been dragged in by Murasakibara) all jumped him at once and group-hugged the life out of him.

Aomine was crying so hard that there was snot coming out of his nose.

Murasakibara's face had tightened up like a child's and was blushing uncontrollably while giving Nijimura a cold shower with his giant-ass tears.

Kuroko was sending him that incredibly fuckdorable 'No...please don't go senpai' look that had threatened to give him a giant boner if the rest of them weren't suffocating him so much.

And Akashi...well

...

Well _fuck_...

He was looking at Nijimura as if it was _Kuroko_ who was dying instead of his father, and it took Nijimura everything he had to not give his suddenly adorable vice-captain a big, senpai hug.

Seijuurou's face couldn't be seen, but Nijimura had felt the redhead grip his shirt tightly and muttering that if Nijimura needed anything, he could always ask him (and his trusty scissors) to get the job done.

Midorima was being a tsundere and was looking away, a high blush on his cheeks and spectacles fogging up considerably. He seemed to be trying to give Nijimura his lucky item by continuously prodding his ribs with it (a Rilak*mma plushie).

As for Haizaki?

...

Well, he was standing by the sidelines looking all upset and defiant, plasters littering over his bruised face. He didn't look like he was about to cry, but he sure as well almost did when Nijimura smirked and gestured to the silver-haired teen to join in the hug.

Haizaki did.

And thus they all had one heartwarming group hug moment where everybody suddenly went stupidly out of character and Nijimura was sure he needed on hell of a shower when he got back home.

...Until a ticked off Coach Shirogane continued explaining that Nijimura would still be continuing on in the basketball club until graduation, so it didn't matter much since he'd still be leaving _anyway_.

They all jumped on Nijimura again. For very different reasons this time round.

Let's just say all eight of them were a lot more annoyed than mournful about the second proclamation than the first one.

Che.

What fucking cute brats.

" _P-Pfft...hahh..._ "

Nijimura was promptly broken out of his thoughts when he felt very soft and faint laughter from beside him.

"Eh? What's wrong, Kuroko?" Nijimura asked, smile twitching slightly at the deadpan chuckling from the Phantom Sixth Man.

Kuroko shook his head slightly, giving his senpai a short smile. "It's nothing, senpai. It's just very weird to see you with a smile like that on your face."

A rather annoyed tick mark appeared on Nijimura's cheek as he shot back, "I don't see _you_ laughing often, brat."

"I'm not laughing, I'm just letting out amused sounds."

 _THAT'S...THAT'S NO DIFFERENCE, YOU PUNK!_

"Man, Kuroko, your jokes are - "

Nijimura was cut off as his tie was suddenly yanked down firmly and soft, small hands gently holding his cheeks. He found himself going on one knee to support himself, his hands unconsciously grabbing onto the smaller teen's hips.

"K-Kuroko - ?"

Dark and sky blue eyes clashed. Nijimura's confused ones met the other's blank, but oddly decisive ones.

"O-Oi...Kuroko, what's - "

Before Nijimura could get another word in, he could feel a pair of cold lips pressing lightly onto his forehead.

Warm, vanilla-scented breath wafted into his senses, filling him with a sense of ease as he stood patiently with wide eyes, slowly processing the vaguely strange feeling on his forehead. He was practically nosing the younger teen bare throat's, strangely pleased at the light touches he was receiving from the bluenette's delicate fingers in his hair and the barely concealed shiver when he breathed in the younger teen's scent.

It was five seconds before Kuroko hesitantly broke away, leaving a little moist mark on the former captain's skin. He was panting softly, eyes hazy and his fingers trembling slightly as he removed himself from Nijimura's space.

"Umm..."

Nijimura stared dumbly at him, unconsciously palming at the spot where his junior just... _kissed_ him.

"Kuroko, I..."

Kuroko quickly placed a finger in between his senpai's lips. Said senpai had to kick himself from almost licking said finger.

"...Aka-nii and Sei-nii hinted that Nijimura-senpai would like to have a 'parting gift', and I really didn't know what senpai wanted so..."

Kuroko looked down in embarrassment, his entire face completely red that it made Nijimura gulp.

"...Aka-nii also told me to tell you 'if it was you, I'd be fine with it'...I don't really know what that means so..."

Warning bells rang in the former captain's head. He almost fell onto his ass from his position after that declaration.

WHAT. THE. FUCK?

Did he just get the seal of approval from freaking _Akashi_ of all people?

He. Just...Akashi was practically _allowing_ him to date his PRECIOUS BABY BROTHER?

"...I found it odd that Sei-nii started yelling at Aka-nii when he said that though...and he wanted me to tell you that 'Shuuzo, you'd better not interpret it that way _or else_ ', and then they just continued throwing projectiles at each other after that..."

This time, Nijimura did fall to the floor.

Ahh, so fucking typical.

Of course, _Akashi_ would be the one to personally approve of who was liable to court his 'precious Kuroko', and Seijuurou be the possessive little shit that he was and say 'NOOOO AKASHI WHAT ARE YOU SAYING TETSUYA IS OURS AND ONLY OURS HOW DARE YOU - '

Well, that's what made them so cute.

"So is senpai happy with his 'parting gift'?"

Nijimura felt himself be gently pulled up by his junior, who was smiling at him, blush still present on his cheeks.

Nijimura chuckled.

"Yeah..." he sighed, reaching out to pat his stupidly adorable passing specialist's head, "thanks Kuroko."

The brightness of Kuroko's beautiful smile it lit up the entire sky.

"I'm glad, Nijimura-senpai."

* * *

Well...

In the end, everybody got what they wanted.

Aomine finally had proof that he wasn't in the Friendzone.

Murasakibara managed to 'taste' Kuroko. With very horrible results.

Midorima finally got his lucky item of the day.

Haizaki stole Kuroko's first kiss.

And Nijimura got Kuroko to kiss him willingly.

I would call this a happy ending for everyone, but that's never going to happen, because you are all forgetting our precious Oreshi's and Bokushi's _reactions_ to all of this in the next chapter...

Happy reading, my babies!

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

10K FUCKING WORDS BE HAPPY GUYS.

The next chapter will be short as it will contain a little 'omake/filler of Oreshi's and Bokushi's 'reaction'+ some other random omakes/NG-shuus? from this chapter

I do not own KnB. If I did, it'd be for 300 year olds.

So, do you guys like the fact that they kissed/kissed by Kuroko all in different places?

And it's sooo obvious that I'm super biased to Haizaki and Nijimura. Favs much?

Err...is my OC Arata okay? If not, I'll try to use her as little as possible.

And I'm sorry if the characters are OOC. Bad habits. Also apologize again if it felt rushed.

* * *

 **Drop a review!**


	5. OMAKE - (I)

**'Who do you want Kuroko to end up with?' poll is up on my profile!**

* * *

 **Oreshi/Akashi:** Refers to everyone by their last name and refers to himself with the 'ore' pronoun. Shoujo prince who can literally pleasure people with his godlike passes.

 **Bokushi/Seijuurou** : Refers to everyone by their first name and refers to himself with the 'boku' pronoun. Mr. 'I Am Absolute' with a 'kinda fucking scary' scissors fetish.

* * *

 **Poll Results (so far):**

Akashi x Kuroko x Seijuurou - 11

Kuroko x Nijimura - 3

Kuroko x Akashi - 0

Kuroko x Seijuurou - 0

Kuroko x Aomine - 1

Kuroko x Haizaki - 0

Kuroko x Kise - 1

Kuroko x Midorima - 2

Kuroko x Momoi - 0

Kuroko x Murasakibara - 0

Akashi x Nijimura - 0

Seijuurou x Nijimura - 1

Akashi x Nijimura x Seijuurou - 0

Kuroko x GoM - 1

Kuroko x All (that means GoM + Haizaki + Nijimura) - 5

* * *

 **Oreshi-niichan & Bokushi-niichan**

* * *

 **Omake**

* * *

Seven months. Seven months and you'd think that the first string members of Teikou's prestigious basketball club would be able to get used to their annoyingly eccentric first-year regulars by now.

Right?

 _RIGHT?_

...

...

...

Well, to be honest, you can't really blame them.

Their beloved tanned ace, Aomine Daiki, was in a trance. A really weird trance where two huge wads of bloody tissue were permanently taking residence up his nostrils, and he was spouting this really disgusting, lovelorn smile on his face. And was it creepy enough that he kept muttering: "Aomine Tetsuya...Kuroko Daiki...Aomine Tetsuya.." over and over again like a mantra?

...

YES IT WAS. DAMN RIGHT IT WAS.

And who couldn't forget their normally apathetic, bored, and monstrously tall center? The one constantly eating and had mood swings worse than Seijuurou's when he was refused his daily sugar intake?

Yes, Murasakibara Atsushi was in a _slump_. And not just _any_ slump. He was looking so pathetically depressed that he wasn't even _eating_. There were no signs of his bountiful, unhealthy, XXXL-sized potato chips or boxes of maiubou or plastic bags of sweets present that would normally be forming a little trash pile next to him right about now. In fact, he was sitting in a hunched position and rocking back and forth with a cloudy aura around him, muttering something about 'life is a lie' and 'humanity has betrayed me'. Both very complex sentences for the purple-haired giant that freaked everyone out when they heard it.

Murasakibara wasn't the worst case though.

They should've looked at _Midorima_.

Like.

Mother. Fucking. _Midorima_.

He kept staring at his phone and _smiling_ to himself. Yes, he was _smiling_. Midorima Shintarou was _smiling_. And to all those who were already questioning their sexuality when Kuroko came into the picture, they had officially, honestly admitted that they were definitely, _positively_ gay when they saw Smiling Midorima.

And...was he taking _selfies_?

...

And Haizaki. Dear _god_ Haizaki.

They didn't know exactly what happened to the normally douchebag-ish copycat, and would normally just leave it to Nijimura-senpai to deal with the fucker, but he was acting weird. Like, _Midorima-_ weird. No, not even _Midorima_ -level of weird. Higher than that actually.

He was holding a bunch of freshly plucked daisies, and was slowly and lazily plucking off its petals one by one. He must've been doing it for a freakishly long time, because there was a literal circle of white petals surrounding him.

He had this glazed expression on his face, smiling even more sickeningly than Aomine. And that was saying _a lot_.

And...did they just hear him chant: "He loves me...He loves me not...I love him...I fucking love him..."?

Yeah no. Where was the brain bleach when they needed one?

Or even better, where the _fuck_ were Captain Akashi and Seijuurou?

" **What on earth is going on**?"

Ah, speak of the devils and they will come!

The aforementioned Kuroko brothers - and thankfully, all three of them - were walking in their trademark row into the gym. On the left, Akashi looked exceptionally confident in his slightly big, white T-shirt and baggy blue shorts, basketball tucked naturally under his arm. He was wearing a severe expression that he only used when he felt that something was amiss, as he could tell from the heavy atmosphere and the suspicious mental states of his regulars.

In the middle was adorkable, mediator-chan Kuroko, chatting amiably with his older brother Seijuurou on his right. Said older brother was donned in his red tank top that showed off his eye-catching collarbones and shoulder blades, and black gym shorts. Like his twin, his heterochromatic eyes were flashing dangerously at everyone, his arms folded in an intimidating manner.

Well, fuck. Never mind. Everyone was starting to regret the captain duo's appearance. If anything, they made the atmosphere a hundred times heavier, if that was even _possible_.

"Can someone kindly explain why _nobody_ is practicing?" Akashi expertly cut through the air in his soothingly calm tone.

As if on instinct, everyone sans the first-year regulars shook their heads hurriedly, as if shaking water out of their ears.

"Or even better, why are they... _like_ _that_?" Seijuurou purred in threat, causing his otouto to smack him on the arm in admonishment when the innocent first string members all backed away at the too-close proximity to their 'mildly homicidal' captain.

"Seijuurou-niichan," Kuroko said with a frown, "don't frighten them."

The heterochromatic teen completely threw everyone off-guard when he smirked adoringly at his younger brother.

"Apologies, Tetsuya."

Akashi however, was not distracted by their play-by-play, and instead turned to look at one of the third-year senpais who weren't too affected by Seijuurou's intimidation.

"Yukimura-senpai, please explain."

The senior named Yukimura gave an internal groan at this. His fellow first-stringers all shot him sympathetic looks as he started to hesitantly explain to his first-year captain.

"Momoi-chan says that Aomine has been like that since this morning - "

"And Murasakibara has been like that since Arata-chan dragged him down to practice - "

"Midorima's been like that since lunch - "

"And Haizaki...we don't want to know."

Akashi and Seijuurou raised their eyebrows at this, while Kuroko kept quiet and simply watched the exchange between his brothers and his senpai curiously.

"And the thing is..."

The first stringers all turned to stare at their first-year members in sync.

"...we can't shake them out of...whatever they're in."

The temperature dropped to negative degrees that would've given a _penguin_ pneumonia.

"Well," Seijuurou said darkly, an icy smile on his face as he glanced knowingly at his twin, "maybe _we_ could shake them up a bit? What do you think, Oreshi?"

When people say that Akashi has a 'killer smile', they do not mean _literally_. But right now, Shoujo Prince Akashi-sama's smile could've _killed_ a bitch.

"I don't see why not, Bokushi."

And in perfect unison, they both swerved their heads to their youngest brother, who flinched slightly at the mischievous gazes his brothers were shooting him.

"...Nii-chan - ?"

"Kuroko, I think you forgot something this morning," Akashi cut him off abruptly, smiling deceptively as he placed a possessive hand on the phantom's clothed hip, "where's my good morning kiss?"

The heterochromatic twin smirked when he felt a barely perceptible stirring from behind him.

As if they'd snapped out of a trance, Aomine stopped muttering.

Murasakibara's cloudy aura dissipated.

Midorima slowly put his phone down.

And Haizaki stopped plucking his petals.

Kuroko pouted, trying to fend off the incoming blush that would no doubt make him look even _more_ adorable in front of the entire team's eyes.

(And no, Yukimura-senpai and the rest of the first string members _totally_ did not have massive nosebleeds right now.)

"Kuroko?" Akashi smiled a bit more sweetly, gently stroking the bare skin in between the smaller teen's clothed hip and stomach. He may be a bit demanding - twins are alike in some ways after all - but he would not force Kuroko to do something he didn't want to do in public.

Kuroko finally nodded, ears reddening slightly as he tiptoed to his brother's level and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

Silence befell the gym as the two wads of tissue that were up Aomine's nostrils shot out in top speed and smacked a still emoing Murasakibara on the head.

Midorima's glasses cracked so loudly it could be heard throughout the gym.

Haizaki dropped the daisies in his grip.

"Now, now Tetsuya," Seijuurou teased seductively, tearing Kuroko away from his twin and placing one hand on the smaller teen's hip and the other tucking underneath his chin, "is that the right way to kiss your nii-chan?"

"W-Wait, Sei-nii - "

And without even thinking twice, Seijuurou gently tilted Kuroko's chin up and slammed their lips together.

Aomine's ghastly screeching could be heard all the way from Tokyo and back.

Midorima's glasses shattered twice.

Haizaki's daisies all wilted and there was something akin to petrification on the copycat's face.

"N-Nghhh...aah...S-Sei-nii..."

Akashi looked on impassionately, arms folded as he calmly watched his two favorite people in the world kiss the life out of each other. His twin's hands were already cupping the teal-haired angel's ass and squeezing it while Kuroko was clinging desperately onto the redhead, mewling and moaning sweetly into his nii-chan's mouth.

"M-Mou...p-please...enough, S-Sei-nii..."

Kuroko hastily broke away from Seijuurou, panting, eyes glazed and cheeks flushed. The small line of saliva between their mouths the only proof of their heavy kissing session.

(And from that sight alone, everybody with a beating heart caught a boner.)

"You still don't have enough stamina, Tetsuya," Seijuurou hummed into Kuroko's ear, gently massaging the younger teen's hip in apology for his roughness.

"You went overboard, Bokushi," Akashi commented, as if seeing his two brothers kiss like horny lovers was an everyday thing in his life.

"Seijuurou-niichan always goes overboard," Kuroko panted, recovering from the rather heated kiss.

"How cruel, Tetsuya," Seijuurou said in mock hurt, his fingers lightly caressing Kuroko's cheek, "you could've just asked me to stop, you know."

Akashi and Kuroko deadpanned. _As if you'll let him/me say no to you -_

" **HOLD THE FUCK UP**."

Their train of thought was silenced by a certain tanned ace's voice.

Aomine stood up, pointing at them with his nose bleeding waterfalls. The other regulars were either standing or sitting, shell-shocked at the erogenous display of 'brotherly love'.

"ARE YOU TELLING ME IT WAS _THAT_ EASY?"

Seijuurou turned to stare impassively at the ace.

"What do you mean by _easy_ , **Daiki**?"

"TO GET TETSU TO KISS YOU, OBVIOUSLY!"

 _Another_ heavy silence befell the room as an also nosebleeding Midorima slapped his forehead loudly.

"Aomine, shut up nanodayo."

"Oi Daiki you fucker you're gonna get us all killed!" Haizaki, who had finally returned to reality, whispered frantically.

"Mine-chin big mouth," Murasakibara, who had also returned from Tasteless Hell, replied back. He still looked depressed though.

And then suddenly the four first-years could feel a dark, chilling aura forming around them.

Seijuurou stood in their faces, his red-and-gold eyes flashing vindictively at his so-called 'team', scissors snipping dangerously in his hand. For some reason, those eyes that occasionally freaked out his team from time to time practically _screamed_ murder right now.

"Exactly. Why. Did. You. Ask. That. _**Daiki**_?"

Aomine gulped loudly, eyes bulging wide at the literal representation of a devil that was suddenly in front of him.

"N-N-Nothing - "

 **STAB!**

The four of them gave girly shrieks of terror as a knife whizzed past the tanned ace's face and plunged deeply into the wall behind him.

"You were saying, Aomine?" Akashi asked calmly, twirling a throwing knife in his hand and an unsettling smile on his face.

 _S-S-Scary..._ the senpais shuddered.

Their openly homicidal heterochromatic captain may be terrifying, but there was nothing that chilled the entire team to the bone more than to see their normally impassive, supposedly _rational_ red-eyed captain _smile_.

It's like Kuroko crying. It's not supposed to happen and everyone is doing what they can so it doesn't **ever** happen.

If it was physically possible, Aomine's tanned skin turned shock white.

"How about _you_ , **Shougo**?" Seijuurou's head snapped towards Teikou's small forward, his scissors going _snip snip_ threateningly.

Haizaki understandably backed himself against the wall in utter fear as he watched his fucking scary captain stalk towards him slowly. The daisies on the floor seemed to wilt with each step the demonic captain made towards him.

"Or _you_. **Shin-ta-rou**?"

Midorima had abandoned his glasses completely and found himself hugging up against the silver-haired copycat. His teeth were chattering wildly and was chanting 'nanodayo nanodayo nanodayo' under his breath like a prayer.

" **Atsushi**."

Murasakibara gave a weak whimper and leapt behind the shivering Ace for protection.

Staring predatorily at the four apparent feared _regulars_ of Teikou's prestigious basketball team, Seijuurou tilted his head slightly and _smiled_. Imaginary hellfire spawned behind him when he raised his infamously red scissors like a pitchfork.

" **Any last words, your four**?"

Blue, green, grey and purple terrified eyes all spun to look at their teal-haired 'saviour'.

" **KUROKO/TETSUYA/KURO-CHIN/TETSU...SAVE US!** "

...

...

...

"Sei-nii?"

As if a switch had been turned off, Seijuurou turned to his lovely younger brother and what seemed like _flowers_ started appearing behind him as he gave the teen a charming smile.

"Yes, dear?"

"I-It's my fault actually. Please don't punish them."

The imaginary hellfire behind the younger twin died down considerably as he blinked questioningly at Kuroko.

"...Tetsuya?"

Akashi put his own throwing knives down as well and stared curiously at his otouto.

Kuroko's head was lowered slightly and was shyly playing with his fingers.

"Well...you see...it might because that..."

A hollow, sinking feeling spurned in the four regular's stomachs at the sudden realization that they _might_ be overestimating their undeniable crush's EQ level and innocence right now.

"...They might be going through the after effects of kissing me."

...

...

...

" **Daiki**."

" **Haizaki**."

" **Atsushi**."

" **Midorima**."

With each call of the regulars' names, more and more of their souls escaped their bodies.

Akashi flashed a smile at the four, " **Stay**."

"As for the rest of you..." Seijuurou returned his attention to the remaining, kinda-traumatized first-string members, giving them a smile.

A bright, deadly smile promising pain.

"Get out."

The gym was cleared in one second flat, leaving Akashi, Kuroko and Seijuurou, as well as the four other regulars - to their inevitable doom.

"Kuroko."

The teal-haired bluenette perked up slightly and tilted his head to the side hearing Akashi's strangely calm voice.

"Hai, Aka-nii?"

The teal-haired bluenette gave a soft 'Omph!' when his older brother patted his hair down in a loving manner.

"Ask Nijimura-senpai whether he can walk you home today. We'll be a bit... _busy_."

The captain shot the cowering regulars a cold look. He's satisfied when all four of them flinched even further back into the wall at his look.

"Oh...okay...Aka-nii..."

The normally cool and collected captain's heart sank a bit at the mildly disappointed look on his otouto's face.

Until his otouto tiptoed again to kiss his cheek.

"I'll see you at home then. Shall I cook mapo tofu for dinner?"

Akashi smiled and caressed his younger brother's hair again.

"Sure. Now go give Bokushi a kiss too."

Akashi's heart couldn't help but flutter slightly when his stupidly adorable younger brother nodded and kissed him _again_ , very lightly on the lips, before rushing off to give his twin one.

"Sei-nii," Kuroko called out to him softly.

The younger Kuroko twin temporarily dropped his own terrifying demeanour for a moment to receive a peck on the cheek from the teal-haired teen.

"Make some broiled fish too, Tetsuya, we should have some leftover in the fridge," Seijuurou smiled kindly, before reaching over to ruffle his younger brother's hair.

"Okay, Seii-nii."

And with that, Kuroko turned to his friends who looked like they were on the verge of death at the same time silently seeking aid from the phantom player.

"I'll see you all tomorrow then. Aomine-kun, Midorima-kun, Murasakibara-kun and Haizaki-kun."

"NO WAIT, TETSU HELP - "

And then Kuroko disappeared.

There's the all too familiar sound of the _snip snip_ of Seijuurou's scissors and the delicate sharpening of Akashi's throwing knife that immediately brought their attention back to their horrible predicament.

"Well now - "

In perfect sync, Akashi and Seijuurou performed their infamous 'Satan-from-Hell' smiles at the very much unfortunate teenagers.

" **Prepare yourselves _._** _"_

...

Nijimura shook his head slightly.

"Mm? What's wrong, Nijimura-senpai?" Kuroko asked him curiously.

"It's nothing," Nijimura assured him, but scratched his head anyways.

"Just thought that I heard someone scream," he absentmindedly added, "they were very high-pitched screams too."

Kuroko shrugged. "It's probably nothing."

Nijimura nodded along with him.

"Yeah."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Do not own KnB. If did, would've given it a drama.

Also, I absolutely _hate_ this chapter. This chapter also gave me one hell of a revelation:

I am a fucking idiot that did not fucking realize that Nijimura-senpai was in 2nd year when he became captain and he was still on the team until end of 3rd year when he graduates. If you guys know what this means...that means yes, you're gonna have your Kise-kun and Nijimura-senpai moments! (in later chapters of course)

I still hate this chapter somehow. (insert angry emoji here)

* * *

 **Drop a review!**


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